1. Clowns
2. Figurines, especially unicorns, angels, singing fish, and Precious Moments.
3. Kitsch (see above)
4. Use of the quick phrase, by a US citizen, when describing France: "We saved their ass in two world wars"
5. Use of the phrase "perfect storm" when describing the current economic crisis.
6. The movie "Perfect Storm" (Might be because I was on several Asia plane trips when this was being played ALL the time; I felt hijacked).
7. Bailouts
8. Sins of Power more than Sins of Weakness
9. Consumerist Culture
10. Mimes
11. "Jared"...the stupidest name ever given to a business chain and especially to a jewelry chain.
12. Ultra-specific infomercial products like: fajita makers and microwavable plastic containers for pasta.
13. Ventriloquists
14. One particular brand of urinal, whose company has obviously not hired an engineer or anyone with any knowledge of physics, because no matter where you pee in the urinal, it all ends up back on your pants.
15. The Einstein mouse who I haven't killed despite numerous poisons, traps, and glue.
16. Songs that have the word "baby" in them more than 10 times.
17. Christmas themed sweaters, ties, and vests
18. Most comedians: especially Gilbert Gottfried, Bobcat Goldthwait, Pauly Shore, Dane Cook, and CarrotTop.
19. The Cubs getting my hopes up.
20. Neck hair combed up over the opening on the shirt.
21. Museums that only show the tools and spoils of war: swords, guns, and stolen gold.
22. Hummers
23. Taking my shirt off on a hot summer day and sitting on my vinyl couch at home and sticking to it. Just kidding.
24. Finding an anonymous bitten off fingernail on the table at the post office (the one mentioned in a previous post).
25. Church marquees
26. The Prayer of Jabez
27. Illinois Politicians
28. Celebrity baby pictures
29. Animal prints, especially in bedding.
30. Static electricity and that I am particularly prone to being shocked (I have lit up dark rooms with the arcs of electricity).
31. The futility of watering and fertilizing lawns to make them grow only to cut them.
32. The look of horror plus a look of affection from a large woman I bumped into at Union Station. There was a small gap between two people that I was trying to thread when she backed up and bent over (to get a paper out of a machine) when I rammed my bags into her backside. Sorry.
33. Lots of gold jewelry for men
34. Paisley
35. The monopoly of certain sports in cultures. Why not just start making up games/sports and start to play those?
7 comments:
I am all-too familiar with said urinal, as they have these at my office. My current technique is angling (literally standing at an angle, not just repointing). I've tried aiming way high, aiming way low, aiming upper 90, lobbing in behind the cake, softening the intensity and standing at a distance, all to no avail.
HAHAHAHA
this is hilarious! i think your next post shoul be (inconsequential) things you like because there are going to be some funny ones in there, too.
hilarious!!!LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
other things i've noticed that you don't seem to like:
- stamps with american flags
- anything patriotic at all, in fact
- when people use your global warming mug
- getting vague e-mails with extensive requests from staff members (jk everyone)
- the am/ex help line "you people are making us want to switch to visa or mastercard!!!"
- umbrellas in your urban punch
- when i tell people something in a staff meeting i promised to keep confidential... sorry.
- cesia thinking the finger nail was yours.
- people leaving the door ajar at the office
the list could have been so much longer. but i was trying to keep it light.
now for your list....
- stamps with american flags TRUE
- anything patriotic at all, in fact TRUE
- when people use your global warming mug TRUE (especially since I just poured a new cup of coffee and you took it and drank from it WHILE I was microwaving my lunch).
- getting vague e-mails with extensive requests from staff members (jk everyone) NOW YOU ARE PROJECTING. THIS IS YOU.
- the am/ex help line "you people are making us want to switch to visa or mastercard!!!" TRUE
- umbrellas in your urban punch
TRUE..(i do not like umbrellas in any of my fruit-themed alcoholic drinks).
- when i tell people something in a staff meeting i promised to keep confidential... sorry. IT'S OKAY.
- cesia thinking the finger nail was yours. THAT IS SICK. HOW IS THAT PART OF THIS LIST?
- people leaving the door ajar at the office NOW THIS JUST HELPS EVERYONE :-)...ESPECIALLY YOU.
hahaha!
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