When We Became An Adopting, then Biracial Family

When mom and dad started taking in children, we bore insults from mostly insensitive and not necessarily cruel people. When we became a biracial family, the insults increased.

Some of the hurts we endured:

-A dying grandparent wanted to take photos with just the 'biological' children.

-We would vacation every year in Georgia, but when we welcomed the first non-white child in the family, we were told we were no longer welcome to worship at the local Baptist church we had attended. Unfortunately, many of our distant family members were behind this 'dis'invitation. We were also 'disinvited' for a family breakfast that had become ritual.

-We were told by a black family who we were good friends with, that a white family SHOULD NOT take a black child because we could not care for that child properly...we would be unable to introduce the child to the hurts that s/he might face, be unable to translate culture, etc. We went ahead anyway. We knew the situation at the time: that tens of thousands of non-white children were not being cared for well...they were in group homes, institutions, in foster care. We knew that either situation wasn't ideal. The ideal situation would be that a non-white child would be adopted by a loving non-white family. But we still believe(d) that adopting a non-white child in a predominantly white family is better than being in a system like foster care. So we had to absorb the criticism and the hurts. And use it as fuel to be a better family for the children. Soon, we had several biracial children and this could help them not feel so alone.

-Our neighbors' Uncle Fred and Aunt Sophie. They were a Polish immigrant brother and sister living in the same house. I remember them in their 70's and 80's after they were both retired. Uncle Fred was as cruel as Aunt Sophie was kind. They would give us five pennies wrapped up in tape for a Halloween present. That was the extent of his kindness. Otherwise, his epithets ranged from "you damn kids" when we would lose a baseball in his yard to "did you take in n%$(#$"? One time, my dad made me go over to his house to shovel his driveway after a hard snow. Instead of thanking me, he came out of his house and yelled at me. "What did we hope to get out of this...what were we going to want later?" He called the police and social services several times over the years although nothing ever came of those calls. He was in my opinion, just an all-around jerk.

I love the idea of adoption. I love the theology of it. I love the practical love in it. I love my brothers and sisters. I love being welcomed by them into this new family and welcoming them. It is a reciprocal love.