Nature v. Nurture

My parents have been mom and dad to lots of adopted and bio children (11), but also have welcomed into their home: missionaries, unwed mothers, foster children, teenagers with developmental difficulties, and neighborhood children that still call our folks: mom and dad. We have had our fair share of small victories and a lot of heartache. I have loved being a part of a big family despite these heartaches.

Being a part of a big family affords small experiments regarding nature v. nurture.

At the start of our big family, mom and dad thought that by nurturing children in the home, that almost all of the problems they had experienced previously could be overcome. All of the "nurtured" abuse a child experienced could be overcome by the overwhelming love and security that being part of a loving family afforded. But also they believed that genetics, personality, etc. would not play a heavy part in how well the child survived or thrived.

Mom and dad were heavily on the "nurture" side of the spectrum.

We were able to welcome all different ages of children and adults into the home to test this theory. One child we took home from the hospital when he was 7 weeks old; his only trauma came from the drug-use of his mom. Certainly, mom and dad's "nurturing" would create a fertile environment so that he would thrive.

And after 32+ years, they are on the opposite side of the spectrum. That almost everything can be attributed to nature and very little to nurture.

You can chalk it up to perceived failures: children making bad choices (prison records, low college graduation rates, etc.). Growing up, you can also see how different each child is: that each child expresses him/herself completely differently based on personality. Even being reared in the same environment, there is wide disparity regarding: temper, willfulness, the ability or inability once enraged to come back into rationality for some time, a child's propensity to throw things/break things. We saw all the typical heartache kinds of things: abuse, drug-abuse and addiction, trouble with the law, etc.

Mom and particularly dad have studied some of the research on nature/nurture. Evidently, there are certain parts of life that are statistically prone more towards nature or nurture. For instance, athletic ability might be 95% geared towards nature, 80% of IQ towards nature, personality 55% towards nurture, etc. These statistics are made up....I don't remember the figures my dad relayed...However, it is interesting that these topics are being studied and researched.

I personally think that mom and dad may come back towards the middle of the spectrum in a few years. That they will see the nuances of the nature/nurture debate within our own family. (But I've also been saying that for several years...oh, just wait till the boys get out of their teenage years...just wait till the boys get out of their early twenties and start getting jobs, etc.)

There is research to suggest that certain behaviors are statistically better in an adopted home, than in a difficult home environment. (Steven Levitt and college participation for adopted children). And I'm almost positive that all of the children are happy having been a part of the family and that new opportunities were created because of mom and dad's love.